It’s sad—almost depressing, even—how beautiful Europeans are. Everyone seems to have stepped right off of a runway and onto the sidewalk. How dare they? Because beside them, there’s me—all lanky and ethnic with my posse of pale, singing teens. So, yeah, I felt a little out of place. Whatever. That’s beside the point.
I was in Europe, so I thought, why not be adventurous, you know? That afternoon, after I stepped out of the bus and into the Paris, I intentionally decided to become a true cringe-worthy tourist. Here’s how.
10 Steps to Winning Paris
- Look around for a place to spend the rest of your Euro’s while complaining about how everything is both too expensive and too cheap.
- Ask for red wine. Taste it. Gag loudly. Then, call the waiter over and say, “I’m not even legal. Sprite?”
- Gesture at everything excessively (don’t limit yourself to just pointing). Gasping helps. “Look! A real French fry!” “A French ravioli!” “A French brick wall!” Suddenly, everything is just that much more edgy and European.
- Sit in front of the Eiffel tower to watch the sunset (“Awww, how cliché!”). But bring a baguette with you, and spend the entire time pretending to eat it. So make sure it’s the longest baguette. Ever.
- Eat gelato after every meal. And when you pass a really hot-toned person on the sidewalk, lick your gelato feverishly. Maybe even wave it in front of their face. Who cares? You’ll never see them again.
- Go to the Louvre. ‘Cause clearly we all know so much about art.
- Take a scenic boat tour. Play this super fun game where you try and connect all the landmarks back to Donald Trump. Because he has money and you don’t.
- Follow directions to Cathédrale Notre Dame. Once you’re in front of it, weep uncontrollably because it’s overwhelming and there are too many people.
- Eat more gelato.
- Sing in a really nice church. Make sure it’s not too nice, though, since that leads to thoughts of “Oh, this is nice. These acoustics are also nice. I should be in Nice right now, because that’s also a city in France.”
And there you have it. All of the things I definitely did. So, like, go do them. Make Paris memorable because usually it isn’t. Who even goes to Paris?
That is all. I’m done now.
Rahul Ramani is a rising sophomore. We don’t know what his major is. We don’t know where he’s from. We don’t know what he’s doing this summer. We asked him, but he told us to never ask him any questions every again. Rahul’s a little scary.
This is the eleventh post in a twelve part series chronicling the Glee Club’s recent tour of Europe. Be sure read the thrilling conclusion in London, brought to you by Andrew Fritz.
If you’d like to see more of our Paris experience, swing by the Flickr Album!